Since my children were abducted to Japan two years ago, I have learned to live with a new normal. Very few things in my life are the same now that I don’t have access to my children. I went from playing with Gunnar and Kianna or teaching them about life, to wondering how they are doing without a loving father in their life. Virtually no aspect of my daily life is the same anymore, nor do I expect it to return to the old normal.
Take for instance answering a simple question like ‘Do you have kids’. This no longer requires a simple answer and often leads into a very long discussion about Japanese child abductions. I guess I can answer ‘no’ and live with the guilt of denial. I really don’t want to talk about child abduction. I want to talk about how my kids are doing in school, what they dressed up as for Halloween, or brag about how good they are at soccer.
I often ponder why something this horrible is happening to me; or, how could a country like Japan could be such a haven for international child abduction. Understanding this type of cruelty is beyond my comprehension. One of harder aspects to deal with is the lack of support from our own government – the Department of State. We have thousands of children abducted to other countries around the world and these children are nothing but pawns in the game of international chess. Knowing that my own children are expendable in the game of international diplomacy while hearing the words ‘we place the highest priority on your children’ makes me sick right to the core of my stomach.
There is no doubt that things sure are different now. I went from complaining about our political system to finding myself walking the halls of Congress on Capitol Hill. I went from reading websites to developing websites; from watching highlights of protests on TV to organizing them outside the Japanese Embassy. Probably the biggest change in my life is having silent daily break downs in meetings, at my desk and in my man cave. I have cried more in the last two years then I did the first 35 of my life. I have a real life never-ending sad picture show playing over and over in my head.
Every day seems to begin with a struggle, it continues throughout the day, and then I get to reflect upon those struggles at night. Struggling is the only way a parent with abducted children makes it through an hour, a day, or a week. I guess as a left behind parent I need to learn to live through a situation I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
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Thank you Douglass
You have explained my feelings and my days very well there also, especially when you say,
“Probably the biggest change in my life is having silent daily break downs in meetings, at my desk and in my man cave. I have cried more in the last two years then I did the first 35 of my life. I have a real life never-ending sad picture show playing over and over in my head.”
Sincerely
David
I got so weary of repeating my story to incredulous (non-Japanese) people that I wrote a book about it for people to read instead….
Among many of the themes you’ve outlined here, one that touches me the most is the notion that a simple question like, “Do you have children?” can create an internal firestorm. How to answer such a simple, usual, basic, normal, everyday, makin’ conversation question without either denying, lying, telling some sort of half-truth or breaking down completely… This is one of those in-yer-face situations that usually comes out of nowhere and leaves you nowhere to go.
Thank you for your articulate thoughts on this issue.
Kirsten
Hola Doug,
MUCHAS GRACIAS POR DESCRIBIR TUS MAS PROFUNDOS SENTIMIENTOS QUE, DIARIAMENTE RENACEN EN TU MENTE AL ENCONTRAR EL VACIO, LA IMPOTENCIA, LA SINRAZON Y EL SILENCIO DEL NO SABER DONDE Y CÓMO ESTARAN TUS HIJOS…QUE EN DEFINITIVA SON, LA PROLONGACIÓN DE TU CORAZÓN. NUESTROS HIJOS SON, LA PROLONGACIÓN DE TODOS NOSOTROS, COMO PADRES.
Recibe un cordial saludo, José
Wow thanks for writing that. It was powerful, I wish you all the best in your fight for getting back your kids don’t give up hope.
Greg
Douglass,
I am so sorry for your heartache. Your physical and emotional pain must be undescribable. No parent should feel what you are feeling. And I am sure it is also so hard for your family and close friends to see you faking a smile, just so others around you don’t feel “unconfortable” . I’m guessing you don’t need people looking at you and feeling sorry for you. You need people to step up and help you get your American-born children back. My best friend Suzanne Feimster is going through a similiar ,life altering , situation. Her Children were abducted in Tunisia by their father. Myself ,along with another friend and family, have set up a website and facebook page to help Suzanne. And to help spread awarness. I would like for you to join forces with us and we need to keep getting louder until out government steps in and get our american citizen children back to the U.S.A. ,where they belong. And back into the arms of their parent who truely love them beyond all. Please contact me. Our facebook page is Destination Jersey Hope. I will be praying for you and your children.
Sincerely, Jennie Oettinger
Exactly Kristen, such a simple question that is supposed to be small talk, which turns into serious talk. If someone barely knows you, you can see the small mouse turning in their head that I must have been an abuser. – the furthest thing from the truth. I have learned it takes about 5 times before people can comprehend there are just evil people in this world that do evil things. The fact is the abductor is the abuser – ask formally abducted children.
I just joined your facebook page. We need to combine all groups and protest down embassy row in D.C. and end up at the Dept of State.
Child abduction is an intolerable and inhumane practice. It must be outlawed. And child abductors, acting illegally, must be punished. Children should not be used as pawns, and both parents have a basic human right to contact and spend time with their children
[...] behind parents Chris Savoie, Paul Toland and Douglas Berg all offered their personal painful experiences at the proceeding, as did a left-behind grandparent [...]